ODE TO CARL TWO LEFT FEET JONES
EARLY ONE MORNING, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,
CARL GOT OUT A BED, HE LOOKED A FRIGHT.
HE STUBBED HIS TOE AND HIS FACE GOT RED,
HE NEEDED SOMETHING TO CLEAR HIS HEAD.
HOLDING HIS TOE HE HOPPED TO THE LOO,
CARL'S EXOTIC, HE LIVES IN A ZOO.
THERE COILED UP, A SNAKE IN THE STOOL,
CARL SAT DOWN FORGETING THE RULES.
YOU DON'T SIT DOWN TIL YOU LOOK INSIDE,
CAUSE THAT'S WHERE CRITTERS LIKE TO HIDE.
OH WHAT A FEELING, CARL DID FEEL,
HE FORGOT HIS TOE AND BANGED HIS HEEL,
HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE HAD RUN HER A BATH,
THE ELECTRIC DRYER WAS IN HIS PATH.
HE AND THE DRYER HIT THE WATER TOGETHER,
OH WHAT A NOISE AND ALL OF THAT LATHER.
HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE SAW HIS PLIGHT,
SHE SAID I'LL HELP YOU, THERE IF I MIGHT.
SHE PULLED THE PLUG AND CARL QUIT THUMPING,
SHE WIPED HER BROW 'N' SAID, AINT THAT SOMETHING.
WHEN HE PICKED HIMSELF UP OFF THE FLOOR,
HE LOOKED IN THE MIRROR ON THE BACK OF THE DOOR.
OH IT WAS AWEFAL, A TERRABLE SIGHT,
CARL'S GOLDEN HAIR LOOKED A FRIGHT.
SMOKE CURLED FROM HIS STRAW LIKE STRANDS,
HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, SAID CARL,YOU HAVE A TAN.
LOOKING FOR HELLA WAS THE LEAST OF HIS FATE,
HE'D LOST TWO TEETH FROM HIS UPPER PLATE.
CARL'D SAT HARD ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR,
EYES WERE CROSSED AND HIS JEWELS SORE,
OH MY WORD SAID HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE,
WHAT'S IN YOUR MOUTH YOU'RE TRYING TO HIDE.
IT AINT NOTHING, AS HE WIPED HIS CHIN,
THEN HE GAVE HER A SHEEPISH GRIN.
SHE'D NEVER SEEN HIM WITHOUT HIS TEETH,
OR WITH KNOTTS ON BOTH HIS FEET.
SHE WANTED TO SOOTH HIS WOUNDED PRIDE,
SHE WAS SHAKING SO HARD FROM LAUGHING INSIDE.
SHE WENT TO GET WATER TO POUR ON HIS HAIR,
WHEN SHE GOT BACK HE WAS STILL SITTING THERE.
HAIR STILL SMOKING AND STILL RUBBING HIS FEET,
HE LOOKED LIKE A POLAR BEAR WRAPPED IN A SHEET.
CARL'S A BIG MAN, HE'LL TAKE ON THE CHIN,
IF HE SMILES, YOU'LL SEE A TOOTHLESS GRIN.
THERE IS NO REASON TO THESE LINES OF WIT,
JUST CARL JONES, TRYING TO FIT, IN THAT IS.
Ben R. Steen Copyright 1/27/03
Brother Carl, if I didn't know you, like you and
love you and your beautiful child bride, I couldn't
write these things about you,...Brother Ben